I’m Alive

My last blog post was different from some of my others in that I let myself be extremely unguarded and personal, more so than any other post I think.

I’ve been going through a rough patch. A very rough patch.

I’d rather not disclose all the details as to what happened, or why I’ve been living in the dark (and not just in the blogging sense) but I’m ready to give a simple overview.

In March I got some really bad news that more than scarred me, it nearly killed me.

I’ve been going through a really bad depression ever since, especially after school ended and I had to come home and leave my friends. I was without any direction or purpose or the support from friends whose presence I’d come to rely on so much. I got much worse.

I’m finally starting to heal, I think.

At least, I’m able to function better then I have in weeks.

I’m trying to piece myself back together slowly because I’ve seen what’s happened when I try to do it to fast.

I haven’t yet decided whether this blog will be in the picture much longer.

It served its purpose in my life, and I think I need a new place for a new, wiser, and more aged me.

We shall see what happens.

I’m still healing, and I have a long way to go, but I’m hopeful I can move on from here.

Thank you for the prayers that were offered after my last post.


A Rest Stop in The Road

Well, it’s done. This last family move was probably the fastest and easiest I have ever been through.
But I’m not done moving yet.
This fall I’ll start my senior year of High School.
It is my preferred plan that I be at college in another part of the state, or another state entirely, in 18 months.
My Mom is trying to redirect me to the university that’s 20 minutes away.
I admit it looks nice and all, but I kind of have my heart set on being somewhere else.
I see college as a fresh start as a new person.
I’ve been homeschooled my entire life, so going to school in an actual classroom, while a welcome change, is exactly that. A change. A big one. And if even something small in my life changes, at least half of the rest of me has to as well.
Another reason I’m not sticking at home for another 3 years is this. It will mean Mom may push back my driving again (though I admit, that’s less likely now since it was decided after the move it was stupid that I wasn’t driving) and both me and my pride would rather fall into a pit of lava or be swallowed by a ranging sea, perishing to either flames or foam, before my mother drives me to college.
No offense to anyone who may feel otherwise, that’s just what me and my pride think.
Also, is it just me, or is it weird to have both your parents accompany you to visit a college open house? Nothing against either of my parents, but when ever they both take me somewhere (even if it’s just Black Friday shopping) I feel like a little kid going on an outing with Mommy and Daddy, stuck in the backseat, and just a little invisible on the car ride there and back.
I’m trying to find a good time to tell at least one of them that… my Mom seems to have it in her head that both she and my Dad have to go with me to see each college.
Ummm… no thanks? I’d rather spend quality time with you?
That’s why I suggested the open house when dad’s out of town?
So that’s what’s controlling my thoughts everyday; College Visits, Scholarships, SAT scores, and college applications.
Oh the joy of near adulthood.
Last but not least (why do people say that? It’s like we are bowing to those things that are mentioned last, or assuring people that even though we forgot to mention them earlier, they are still important, in an attempt to keep their friendship. I need to do a post on this…) on my list of things to write about that I make up as I go..
Congrats to everyone who has or will be finishing Camp NaNoWriMo: July Camp!
I was unable to participate (two weeks of no internet, and at least 6 days in the car tend to hinder writing and word counts) I do want to congratulate those who did!
See all you NaNoers in November hopefully!
You know… as long as my homework doesn’t turn into a glue breathing monster of work that sticks me to my desk… That’s not a bad idea actually!
for a story I mean.
I’d hate to have to much school to do NaNo
Anyway… Adios Amigos!
For now anyway…

A Matter of Faith

Today I’d like to share an update on moving with you.
This week my parents are away on a house hunting trip. To be honest it’s hoped to be (and looking more like) a house buying trip. In the process of negotiating and attempting to buy our dream house, however, there have been a couple scares.
The first one was that the sellers wanted (quite unreasonably I might add) far more in interest money then my parents were willing to provide, and there were a couple of other things I think. My parents replied that is was either what they were willing to offer or they’d walk. The sellers accepted our first offer.
Then yesterday the sellers were second guessing due to some wording in the contract, and my parents were once again worried we wouldn’t get the house, and so they started looking at back up plans.
Last night, probably right before my parents officially gave up all hope, the agent called and said they’d signed the papers.
Now, through out all of this I was praying harder then I have in a long while.
I’m a Christian. I’m a Catholic in fact, so I was raised knowing how to pray, and why it’s so important. Putting that into practice… well, I’ve let it fall on the wayside now and again, sadly.
I’m trying to start fresh again.
Monday, shortly before I learned about the sellers count offer, I prayed a rosary.
After hearing about the counter offer, I prayed that my rosary had been heard, that we’d get this house.
Then I remembered something… I’d said the wrong mysteries during my rosary.
That right there shows how often I pray the rosary. I had mixed up Monday’s and Tuesday’s mysteries, and instead of saying the Joyful I said the Sorrowful.
Needless to say when you are praying for a new house, reading meditations about accepting setbacks, and trusting in God’s will, and… well, suffering… it can be kind of discouraging.
That night though, my mom called and said the sellers had accepted the first offer.
I prayed a second rosary because that was such a relief. With the right mysteries that time, the Joyful, which fit perfectly with my mood because I was joyful.
And that’s when I came across this meditation.
“We can count on God’s answers to our prayers, but often in unexpected ways – A stable for a room.”
I laughed.
You see, I have had my own room for about 5 years now. Our new house, however, does not have enough bedrooms for that, so I’m being stuck back in with my younger sister. What it does have though is an AMAZING barn! Heated tack room…fencing… it’s beautiful, according to my parents.
So I am essentially trading my room for a stable.
It was this small sign from God that I knew, I just knew this was going to happen.
Now I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to share that. It really means so much more to me then it could to anyone else. I wasn’t sure if any one else would understand the thoughts I had when I first read that. When I read that meditation I felt like God had put that there just for me to find at that moment. To let me know that that was our house.
That’s a bit hard for someone on the outside to understand… which is why even when I was praying I was wondering whether I’d share that with anyone. But God works in mysterious ways, and not 2 minutes later, on the next decade…
‘Anna, in the scene that follows this passage [the presentation at the temple], “talked about the child to all.” My encounters with Christ should lead to evangelization.’
Well I have no idea if this will lead to evangelization for anyone, but like Anna, I’m sharing my very little encounter with Christ.
Things are still shaky concerning the house, and I’m still praying hard, but I have to believe that A Stable for a Room wasn’t just my mind playing tricks on me, or my imagination having some fun.
When I read it… it just felt so real! So true!
And I’m not saying I don’t believe in coincidences, but some things are just to closely connected to not be planned.