Okay, I’m taking a chance. I’m posting a story nobody has yet seen. I’ve asked for no feedback, I’m taking a risk and releasing it with out showing it to anybody first.
I hope it’s not to bad…
She sat at the window, rain pounding on the street outside, and tearing at the glass to which she pressed her face. The cool glass fogged around where her forehead met the clear surface, and she not only heard the great clap of thunder that roared from the heavens, she felt it vibrate within her very being. The oppressive nature of the weather was a twin of her soul, and behind her glasses the tears fell like the rain without.
The silence of the house reminded her of all she’d lost, and all she’d become.
A broken statue, battered by the elements of time, standing forever helpless in the wake of a great darkness, but unable to prevent the chips from forming in her skin.
A lightening bolt seared the sky, and she saw once more the flashing light, she saw the sparks of a gun, she heard the crack of a bullet slicing the air… she squeezed her eyes shut and curled further into herself, as if she could shrink into nothing just by willing it.
Far off in another room, a clock was steadily keeping count of the seconds, each tick dropping like a stone into a pond, leaving ripples, yet unnoticed by all.
That was her.
She was a ripple.
A mistake that was never meant to be.
A little thing in the face of a great and terrible universe… a universe that cared little for broken hearts.
Another thunderclap, and she flinched. She wasn’t supposed to be alone. The doctors had said she was dangerous, and that she could not be trusted. They were more right then they knew.
On the floor bellow her lay a knife. a shinning sharp blade that could pierce skin. That had pierced skin. It lay there waiting for her to break. Waiting for her hand to grasp its handle and to bring it up for the last burst of pain she would ever have to bear. All she had to do was reach down. All she had to do was let herself go…
So why did she find it so hard to?
She’d had no problems throwing the stone at Alison Blake… the cheerleader who’d done nothing to her but beat her and taunt her until she was broken…
She’d had no problem pulling the gun on her stepfather when he’d attacked her mother….
She’d had no problem throwing Jeff Bergusson down a flight of stairs when he had gone after her sister…
And David… David had been an accident… it was an accident…
A sob unbidden and unwanted crept from her lips, and her heart ached a little more as she buried her salt-wet face in her jeans.
You are a monster, she thought in horror. You have no right to this life.. no right…
And her hand began to creep down slowly…
She felt the cold handle of the knife as her shaking fingers clutched, and began to bring it upward…. and then the knife was gone. It was slipped from her hand so gently she never even noticed the transfer until it was complete. Her head shot up in surprise, the tears staining her cheeks as she desperately searched for her route of escape… only to find it in the hands of a stranger.
“Are you looking for this?” a quiet and gentle voice said from the opposite corner of the room. She looked towards it, and find herself looking into the eyes of a man unlike any man she’d ever seen. He was so different… he looked like a man, he spoke like a man, but he was certainly not a man. He was not human at all.
“That’s mine,” she sniffed, looking at her knife held in this stranger’s hand. The stranger looked down at it, and then back at her, a sad smile on his face.
“No it is not,” he said. “It was never meant to be yours, and it never will be.”
“What are you talking about?” she snapped, growing angry that this stranger should dare question her.
“Life has not been kind to you,” the stranger said, ignoring her challenge, “but are you so desperate that you will give in to its tortures? You are not alone. You have friends, and they do not want to see you give up without a fight.”
“What friends,” she cried,” I have no friends. No one dares speak to me. They are to afraid I’ll stick a knife in their back. They are probably right.”
“No, Jessica,” the stranger responded gently. Jessica’s head shot up at the sound of her name, a name no one called her by anymore.
“How do you know me?” Jessica asked, immediately suspicious of this new development.
“Oh Jessica, I have known you since before you were,” the stranger told her kindly, a soft smile on his face as he looked lovingly down at her. “I have been with you from before you came to earth, and I will be with you long after you leave here. It has hurt me to see what you’ve had to go through, but we are only allowed to interfere when the circumstances grow desperate. There has never been a more desperate time for you then now.”
“How can you know me, how can you say you’ve been with me all this time, I’ve never even seen you before!” Jessica protested.
“No, but you have felt my presence now and again,” the stranger said, taking a step closer to her. “When you were small and afraid of the thunder, I dimmed its roar so that you might sleep soundly at night. When you cried by your father’s grave I stood by you for comfort. When your mother lay dying, I was there with you at her side.”
“But that’s impossible,” Jessica replied, dumbfounded that this kind of story would be even proposed to her.
“Ah Jessica, it is more true then you know,” the stranger answered, “I have been charged with guiding your soul through this dark world, and I fear your path has been darker then most. But you must not give up now. Your mother is waiting for you, but it is not your time. Your father is praying for you, but it is not time for you to join him. All those you’ve sent before you have received their just reward, and the Father bears you no ill-will.”
“But what you are saying.. it’s ridiculous…” Jessica stammered. She was dreaming… she was hallucinating.. she had finally cracked…
“You are neither sleeping nor insane,” the stranger.. who apparently was an angel it seemed… assured her. “Jessica, your past does not have to define your future. Your slate can be wiped clean and you can live the life you were destined to live. Do not let the brokenness of your spirit steal all strength of will from you. Fight this shadow that covers your soul.”
“But I have done such terrible things…” Jessica protested, the tears coming afresh. Her angel, for it was her guardian angel, knelt down before her and wiped the tears from her eyes.
“And your Father will forgive you, as he forgives all who truly repent their sins,” he assured her gently, as the sobs began to shake her small and weak frame.
“But why, should he care for me? I am nothing,” Jessica asked.
“Because you are his daughter, and he does not abandon his own,” the angel told her. Jessica blinked once to clear her eyes, and when they opened again the angel was gone. The knife he had taken from her lay on the coffee table before her. After staring at it for some minutes, Jessica slipped out of the window seat, picked it up, and carried it back to the kitchen to put it away. Someday she would succumb to the call that all life succumbs to in time, but it was not going to be that day. She had fallen far from the lighter road, but now a hope had been restored in her that she would find it.
Alison, David, John… they would no longer haunt her every moment. She could move on. she could forgive herself in time, because HE could forgive her… it would take time and healing but she could. And someday she would… because she had a life ahead of her. A life worth living. Because she was not alone. She was never alone.
Let me know what you think! Like it? Despise it? Think it’s a crime against humanity?